Part 3: Cao Bằng to Hanoi

Day 5: Quảng Uyên to Bản Giốc waterfalls

-I got up before the roosters today and not cause I wanted to. A bit of the old ultra violence erupted in my stomach that brought me to the knees of the great porcelain god. There was no returning to sleep, and I could feel a fever creeping in. Nausea came to play, too. When the guys woke up I filled them in on the bad news. There was no way I could get on a bike today. Sadly I would have to miss the main thing I wanted to see on this trip, the Bản Giốc waterfalls. Luckily we were booked in this homestay for 2 nights so I could lay around and recover while not botching our schedule. That’s my special brand of shit luck. I instantly assumed I was suffering from an infection due to my wound, but after putting a few texts into Dr. Ben “Cool Jerk” Whitfield, he assured me that it was probably just a case of traveler’s diarrhea. Thanks again for being on call Ben! I burrowed into my bed to shiver, sweat, shit, and sleep the whole day while the guys hit the road.

**Since I missed the whole day, Jake will be taking over to fill you guys in on that day’s escapades.**

-Radke and I escaped the sickness that was plaguing Nate so like good friends, we carried on without him. And without Nate’s knee holding us back, we tore it up off-road again. Tan was into creek crossings. He’d take them even when there were other, easier options.  After ripping through alleyways through small mountain villages and back out through the rice paddies, we popped out at the Ngườm Ngao Cave. According to legend, a tiger used to live there, but all we saw were bats.

-After lunch and a short wait for the rain to pass, we rode up to the Bản Giốc Falls. These falls are right on the China – Vietnam border and there’s been controversy about that border as recently as 2009. Tan explained that officially, you had to get on a list to go see these falls and the process took forever. But if you put some dong in your passport when you presented it at the entrance, your names can get on the list just like that.

-Some picnickers at the falls lured us in with beer, then went in for the selfies. We hung out with them and shared some food and small talk through google translate.

-Radke requested that we take the long way back to the home-stay, and I’m glad he did. Tan’s method for finding off-road routes was to pick a small path that went off the main road, then pull out his phone and figure out a route using Google Maps satellite layer. And he did this while riding, one handed through paths barely fatter than our tires that zigzagged every which way for 10 minutes at a stretch. It worked for the most part. There was one time we were zipping out a paved path between two mountains that ended at an impasse.

Thanks, Jake….

-When the guys got back from the waterfalls, they came loaded with electrolytes and more antibiotics. I was bummed I missed the day but glad they were able to bring back pics and stories. I joined in for dinner but the only thing i could stomach was rice and electrolyte ladened water. I left the group to their bottle of corn wine and went to bed.

Day 6: Quảng Uyên to Ba Bể Lake

-This morning the local swine and water buffalo decided to join in with chorus of roosters, but I was happy to wake up feverless. My bowels had dried up, but the nausea still hung on. All that matters is that I knew I was good enough to ride. The guys were thrilled when I told them the news. The host cooked us eggs and provided ample bread and instant coffee but all I could stomach was dipping some bread into sweetened condensed milk. I felt neutered not having my usual appetite.

-Tan sent us out to explore another market, but I was all market-ed out. The fresh fish and meat section in particular was very unsettling to my gut. One thing I have not pointed out yet is the abundance of food. Cheap food. Whether village or city, there are so many options to get fresh produce, a snack, or a hot cooked meal for less than a dollar. Most streets were lined with all kinds of food options where you sat on the smallest stools to scarf down you meal then move on.

-I was ecstatic to get out of this town, though I was not pumped to have to put my rain gear on. We rode back through the city of Cao Bằng, and the skies opened up on us just as we got into the mountain roads. Thankfully these were manicured well. The rain stopped by the time we got lunch. All of us were thankful to get out of our rain gear. The rest of the ride was more great roads running along rivers with jungle canopies.

-After a long day we finally came to Ba Bể Lake. What a sight. Tan told us this is the largest naturally occurring lake in Vietnam. We took the long way around to the village of Pác Ngòi and to our surprise ran into the Aussies from our first night. They were about to go on a boat ride in the Lake and invited us. We gladly accepted the invite then rolled up to the Hoành Tứ homstay and tore off our gear in anticipation of making the boat. Jake grabbed some beers (good call buddy), and soon we were walking along the lake road with the Aussies. They wasted no time in busting my balls over me going down.  

-We boarded a motor boat and were ushered out onto the lake. I’ll let the pics below do most of the work describing the views. We put beers back and shared stories with our down under companions. They had a solid week as well. Off along the shores the evening fisherman were out pulling todays catches in. Finally the boat ride came to an end and while pulling the boat back to shore, Aussie Dave got his hand stuck between two boats and won himself a motorbike ride to the local doctor for stitches of his own. He yelled something about not being out done by the American Cunts, and that was the last we saw of him.

-After the walk back to the homestay we wished our Australian friends farewell and relaxed, waiting for dinner. One of us realized this is our last night for this portion of the trip, and a bittersweet feeling overcame all of us. The call to dinner came, and we sat around the table with the family for our last family style meal of this trip. My appetite still needed time to return to 100%, but I did my best trying a small portion of all that was offered. I even threw down a Một, hai, ba, dzô! or two. Tan told us we had a very long day tomorrow so we will need to be on the road early. Jake and I fought our mosquito nets while Radke laughed at our struggle. Eventually it was all sorted out, and we were out cold.  

Day 7: Ba Bể Lake to Hanoi

-You know what? I’m gonna miss those fucking roosters. I layed in bed reflecting on the last few days coming to peace with their incessant crowing. Maybe it was the croaking of the bullfrogs that kept me calm? We were up early and had crepes, bananas, banana fritters, honey, and instant coffee then packed up the bikes and headed off.

-Right away we gained a lot of elevation and thanks to the early morning fog, we had limited visibility. I was shocked at how high we climbed cause I knew we’d be coming down soon the closer we got to Hanoi.

-Slowly we did descend and surprisingly quick the scenery began to grow more urban. More and more people began to share the roads with us. By the time went hit the city of Thái Nguyên it was apparent that our two wheeled Shangri La ride was officially over. We stopped here for some Phở bò and posed for pictures that the proprietors insisted on taking of us.

-Forty km’s south of more and more congestion. After crossing the Nhật Tân Bridge the familiar sight of Hanoi faced us. Tan took no liberties racing and zig zagging through the city traffic. We all got split up easily and having the bluetooths allowed us to stay in contact. Eventually we ended at the same spot we began. Sad that it was over but thoroughly psyched that we had accomplished what we had set out to do. All of us alive and well with nothing but great memories, maybe a scar. Hopefully a scar. We walked back to the shop and got one last pic with Tan. This trip would have been a totally different beast without him. We couldn’t have asked for a better guide. Such an awesome dude. We could not thank him enough. After wishing him well we crawled back to our Airbnb in the Old Town for much needed showers.

 Stay tuned for scooters in Hội An….

Part 2: Hà Giang to Cao Bằng

Day Three: Hà Giang to Mèo Vạc

-Roosters. Fuck em. See part one. I could not fall back asleep so I joined Radke to watch the sun rise. We couldn’t have asked for a more tranquil morning. Breakfast was many instant coffees, and instant noodles loaded with fresh local veggies and a fried egg. College kid raman on steroids. Jake and I took the opportunity to try smoking thuốc lào (Laotian tobacco) out of a traditional điếu cày (bamboo water pipe). Its customary everywhere to see the men wake up and smoke in the morning with their tea. It was interesting but I’ll stick to the cheap ass cigarettes. Speaking of cheap, we’re talking $.75-$1.50 a pack and everybody smokes.

-Bellies full, we loaded up our gear and hit the road. Our guide let us know that the next few days was gonna be the real mind blowing scenery. Hà Giang is known for its epic views and is not as full of trucked in tourists the way Sa Pả is. Though in recent years it has been picking up steam as a trekkers destination. We rode in through the city of Hà Giang passing by a buddhist funeral procession. Everyone marching in the streets following the hearse, wearing white headbands and throwing offerings (photo copied $100 greenbacks and large note Dong’s) on the street. Very cool to see this first hand.

-Not far out of the city we veered off into the mountains climbing elevation with lightning speed. Stopping to overlook a dam and take in what is only the beginning of the constant breathtaking views. The paved road soon became a rutted, gravelly mess still full of traffic. Sheer drops of doom lined the side of the road. Tan took the liberty of pushing us at speeds that in hindsight I shouldn’t have been taken. Right away I came around a tight right switchback and target fixated coming very close to the edge. This shook my confidence and put the fear in me. I was not feeling this track at this speed. Very little room for error. I ended up riding slower from the group and fell behind. After coming to a pretty gravelly straight away I opened up the throttle a little too hard and my rear washed out. Down I went. Thankfully we were using our bluetooth intercoms and the guys were not out of range (side note: I cannot recommend bluetooth intercom enough. Too many times it has saved our asses and just provided a more enriched riding experience. I will not travel without it). My leg was pinned under the bike and all I could feel was extreme pain in my knee. Instant regret washed over me for not having knee protection. All I could think of was I ruined our trip with my stupidity. The guys came back and I was able to get my leg free and away from the bike to assess the damage. My knee was tore up pretty badly, down to the knee cap. I was gonna need stitches ASAP. Jake being the ever prepared dude had a first aid kit on hand. We wrapped up my knee, using a local women’s razor sharp sickle to cut the tape, and popped some aspirin.  Then rode 45 min to an hour all the way back to Hà Giang on the same road that I left some skin on. This time at a snail’s pace.

-We arrived at the hospital and I was taken back right away. I cannot thank Tan enough for being there cause no one spoke a lick of English. With in an hour I had my wound clean, 2 stitches, and a tetanus shot for the whopping price of 300,000 dong ($15) paid in cash directly to the doctor. I hobbled out of the hospital and we grabbed lunch then got antibiotics, anti inflammatories, gauze, and medical tape from a local pharmacy and hit the road. No prescriptions needed here. Just tell the pharmacist what your issue is. It was a long haul today and the ride is insanely twisty plus now we have to make up lost time.

-I bent my rear brake pedal so I had to lift my leg up to utilize it which caused some serious pain with each brake. I ended up engine braking for most of the ride that day which provided a unique challenge. The road was pure insanity. A motorcyclist’s dream. Jake, again, sums it up beautifully “Everyday on the road was breathtakingly gorgeous. I could not capture the beauty of Northern Vietnam’s mountains with my camera. As a motorcyclist, I can’t imagine better twisties. Imagine the Tail of the Dragon, only going on for hundreds of miles with more elevation changes. And that’s just the paved roads… We passed scooters, cars, busses, even semis up narrow mountain passes, with ankle height “guardrails” next to cliffs that dropped near vertically. We needed to keep our eyes on the road at all times, but how can you, surrounded by so much natural beauty?” Radke noticed that the full big rigs had a system jerry rigged to provide water to the brakes. It was actually pretty ingenious cause without such system there would be failing brakes and runaway trucks everywhere. Not a runaway truck ramp in sight. Logistically it would not be possible with how the roads clung to the sides of the mountains.

-Hours we rode. In and out of towns, peak to peak, fall and climb over and over again. The landscape constantly changing from pine forests to extra terrestrial rocky terrain, and everything in between. Never truly alone as there were villages and people everywhere. These lands occupied for thousands of years. It was wild to see how the people and dress changed as well. Northern Vietnam is full of many ethnic tribes such as the Mường, H’Mông, Nùng, Dao, and Tày. All with unique cultures, languages, and fashions existing in harmony with these rugged lands.  Nothing like any of us have experienced in the states. I hate to beat a dead horse using the word epic but what we saw was nothing but that. Fucking epic, awesome, and overwhelmingly beautiful.

-The temps dropped soon and for the first time since getting here we were feeling cold. I was worried we were gonna be riding in the dark and these are not roads you want to ride in the dark on. Finally we crested a peak, whipped a left switchback, and could see the town of Mèo Vạc sitting in the valley below. It was more like a very small city in the clouds. Lots of multi story hotels and buildings. This was the only time we stayed in a hotel. Directly across the hotel was a public area that had a constant barrage of insanely loud talking and music. I figured it was propaganda but Tan informed us it was just the radio. Ha!

-After settling in we ate dinner at a local shop (rice, veggies, and pork belly if i recall correctly) then all got much needed showers. Exhausted from all the drama of the day we soon passed out.

Day 4: Mèo Vạc to Quảng Uyên

-Even in the cites I could hear those insufferable fowls crowing in the distance. For a hotel these were the most uncomfortable bed’s any of us slept on. Radke or Jake checked to make sure that the mattress wasn’t solid wood or concrete. Surprisingly my knee wasn’t hurting too bad though my pimp strut was now in full effect. I did wake up full of fluid in my head and panicking thinking an infection was setting in, I began to whine. Thankfully the guys called me on being a pussy and I manned up, knowing they were right. Unfortunately the fluid in my head made the constant elevation changes of the day pretty annoying.

-We had Phở bò for breakfast from the same shop we had dinner at. There were a few other off road tours there as well. Turns out Mèo Vạc is a pretty popular stop over for the off road tour scene. The one group was doing it on Urials. Sidecars and all. We then put back 2 cà phê sữa đá’s at a street side cafe. Tan sent us off to explore the Sunday market while he went and fixed the couple of issues with my XR from yesterday’s spill, and general maintenance on the other bikes.

-What a sight to behold at this market! First and foremost the size of the people of this region is tiny. I mean you would have to be to well adapted to living in such high altitudes. The average person came up to our waists. At first I was concerned we would lose each other in the melay of the market but Radke pointed out that you could pick us out from 100 meters away due to how we towered over the locals (majority of them being The H’Mông peoples). Stature aside these are tough people. I saw old woman carrying loads that would make a full grown man in the states cry.

-Tan had the bikes ready to go and my rear brake was operational again. I was very thankful for that cause with these roads its an imperative part of the bike. He led us 10km in the opposite direction to the Sky Garden Mã Pì Lèng. Holy Fuck! What a view. The Nho Quế River cuts through the mountains, carving out the most awe inspiring cliffs. Straight out of a Tolkien novel but with Southeast Asian flare. Pics can’t ever grab the grandeur of this overlook. I love large scale geological formations because it makes you realize how small and insignificant you really are in the grand scheme. It’s humbling in the best way possible.

-Back tracking through Mèo Vạc, we continued on and on. More mountains, more twists, more wonder. We noticed that our elevation had slowly began to descend as the climate was warmer and the vegetation more jungle-esque. We rode alongside a river for a very long time. It was at this point we really noticed that we stood out big time. It was almost as if we were celebrities. Tons of waves and hellos from all ages, but especially children. According to Tan the modern dirt bikes just made it to Vietnam 5-10 years ago so when isolated locals see these bikes they stand apart from their usual scooters. Everywhere we stopped there were locals sitting on our bikes and checking them out. I have never met a more friendly and welcoming people. Always willing to share and include you. They loved to say Hello in English (vs the Viet “xin chào”) and wanted to know where we are from. Most general communication was manageable and we tried our best to speak in what little Vietnamese we had picked up along the way. The people are a simple people who want what everyone across the world wants. Happiness, family, friends, laughter, love, and security. Despite the fact we are from different sides of the planet and our cultures are diametrically different, we are all at our core all Humans with the same needs and wants. Again the word humbling comes to mind.

-We stopped for lunch in the town of Bảo Lạc. It was a beef stir fried rice topped with a fried egg accompanied by a side of pickled cabbage soup and fresh cucumbers. I washed it down with some Passion Fruit (Nước chanh dây), my juice of choice on this trip. While grabbing coffee’s next door the woman working there told me how handsome I was. Tan had to translate the words but her smile communicated it just fine. I gave her a “cảm ơn” and smile back. See motherfuckers, even on the other side of the planet women can appreciate a damn fine looking specimen of manliness. Told you so Ed.

– Today was a long day and Radke and I were feeling it. Riding side saddle for many km became the norm. We finally descended from the mountains and rode through the city of Cao Bằng, the capital of the Cao Bằng province. Our journey did not stop here though. We had to ride another 40km to the town of Quảng Uyên. This was the closest place to stay to see the Bản Giốc waterfalls. Soon we regained the elevation we lost coming into Cao Bằng. We rolled up to the Kiều Chinh Homestay, our homebase for the next two nights. This homestay was a little more rustic and not as posh as the last two we stayed in but the views from the backyard were something else. After settling in it was not long until the family style dinner came out followed buy a bottle of corn liquor. A few “Một, hai, ba, dzô!’s” and a couple of “Chúc sức khoẻ!’s” (happy health!) later I crawled into bed to let Radke and Jake finish the bottle of corn swill. Excited to see the main thing I came here for, the Bản Giốc waterfall and to skirt the edge of the Chinese border.

oh there’s more yet…

Part 1:  Hanoi to Ha Giang

Jake, Radke, and I decided to visit the 2 wheel mecca of Vietnam. Most of my vacations all center around some sort of 2 wheel adventure and Vietnam always comes in at the top of everyone’s lists. I’ve taken to seeing it as a motorcyclists Hajj, if you will. I had no problem convincing those two on joining me back when I posed the idea in December. Jake and I would be flying together and meeting Radke in Hanoi since he’s currently living in Honolulu. Within 3 short months we found ourselves on the other side of the planet completely unaware of the absolute splendor and excitement we were about to experience.

The trip was split up into a few legs but the majority was centered around a 7 day dirt bike adventure through the north of the country. We used a Hanoi company called OffRoad Vietnam to rent 3 XR250’s and a guide. Opting for a semi guided tour giving us the freedom and mobility to go wherever we wanted vs the rigid fully guided tour package they offer.

I am going to break this post up into a few entries as there is almost too much to publish. Trying to sum up this trip into a few posts is even a tough challenge. I’ll do my best at trying to convey the onslaught experienced to our senses and minds.   

 Pre Ride Hanoi exploration

-Before the bike trip we explored 2 days in Hanoi taking in all the sights and sounds that this amazing city has to offer. I could try and sum it up but Jake so eloquently nailed the hustle of Hanoi: “City Life in Vietnam is an example of emergent order from chaos. Lanes, traffic lights, even the roads and sidewalks themselves are mere suggestions on where and how to walk and drive. The main thing is to go with the flow….” We were told its a river and though it seems to make no sense to the observer, when you are a participant in the traffic it all works beautifully. They lack stop signs and redlights. When you get to an intersection you just make your way through and don’t hit anyone. There is a level of trust and cooperation that just would fall flat here in the states.

-Two wheels everywhere. While the majority of the country are on scooters you do see many motorcycles. The bike of choice here is the Honda Win 125cc but we saw Sportsters, Super Dukes, Ducati’s, Minsk’s, Triumphs, no name’s, Chinese Knock Offs,  and more then plenty of single cylinder sport bikes.

-These people are amazing at what they can haul on a bike. You name it they are carrying it. Dead pigs, washing machines, loads of bamboo or sugar kane, construction equipment, hell even other scooters, etc…. It was not out of the ordinary to see a family of 5 on a small 150cc scooter zig zagging in and out of the constant flow of traffic. Children as young as infants on their parents laps. From birth you are primed for the 2 wheel river of chaos.

-Communication is all done with your horn. The constant honking of horns becomes a natural part of the aural landscape and blends in to become just another buzz in the constant hum of this amazing city.  Sometimes oncoming traffic will flash their lights at you but DO NOT take this to mean what we in the states think it means. This means “I am coming, get the fuck outta my way” and not our interpretation of “hey buddy, you go ahead”.  

 Day One: Hanoi to Thác Bà Lake

-We were up way too early thanks to jet lag and anticipation of getting on the bikes. At 8:30 we hiked across town with all our gear and found 3 XR250’s and our guide, Tan, waiting for us. He would be doing the tour on a newer XR150. We met a group of Aussies that too were heading north with but with another guide. After some small talk we headed to our bikes. Not much instruction was given and we went over with Tan what we wanted to see and do. By 9 we had our gear strapped on and were finally full participants in the chaotic river of Hanoi traffic. Once you are in the flow of things the ride just makes sense. I kept comparing it to Mid Ohio Rules.

-It wasn’t long before the city began to fade behind us as we wound along the Red River. We had to make a small stop cause my bike was popping pretty hard. Tan got out his tools and adjusted my carb as it was running lean. Soon the XR was purring and off we went.

-Tan took us off road right away and we rode a single track that ran parallel to the main road. Eventually we ended back on asphalt.

-Lunch was a stop in Phú Thọ for a fried chicken and veggies meal. Eating fresh delicious food for pennies is one of the biggest benefits of visiting here.

-With the urban sprawl long in our rear view mirrors, Tan took us deep into the countryside. The asphalt road soon became a very small concrete road that winded in and out through rice paddies. Small limestone mountains began to sprout everywhere and the red/brown of the Red River soon become an vibrant emerald green. It wasn’t long until the fields and roads were full of Water Buffalos, the Beast of Burden du jour in Vietnam.

-Towards the end of the day Tan took us off road again along single tracks splitting rice paddies with a few small water crossings. Finally we emerged on the shore of Thác Bà Lake. All three of us completely dumbfounded in the sights we took in in just one day.

-With the sun setting fast Tan led us to our lodging for the night. The VuLinh Family-Homestay. If you are not familiar with what a homestay is, its exactly like it sounds. Your accommodations are with a local family and you are provided dinner and breakfast with your lodging. Our host, Nam, was very enthusiastic to have us there. Our sleeping quarters were in an ethnic stilt house. Mattress on the floor and mosquito nets to keep us protected. The Aussies we met this morning had beat us to the homestay. After getting out of our gear we cracked open some Bia Hanoi’s and got to know everyone sharing nothing but bike stories. Turns out we all do a lot of dumb shit no matter what part of the world we are in.  Taking in the epic scenery surrounding the local village area I knew this was going to be a mind blowing 7 days. Quick note on connectivity here. Everywhere has wifi and everyone is willing to share it without any issues. I felt more connected in the wilds of Vietnam then I do living at home.

-Dinner was a large family style event. So much food, all local and fresh. Even fresh fish from the lake. With every dinner comes out a homemade rice wine. Some stronger than others depending on the distiller. Here we learned the Vietnamese tradition of taking down drinks, which you must do when offered as it is considered rude to not drink. With every drink you scream “Một, hai, ba, dzô!” which is Vietnamese for “1, 2, 3, in!”. The Aussies in pure Aussie fashion were pretty lit up on Bia’s before even getting to dinner (we found out later they had 56) so with the shots of rice wine things got a little loose. We soon were getting cunts, facking cockheads, mates, and other Austrailian terms of endearment thrown our way. With names like Sharpie and Digger you couldn’t help but revel in all the down under frenzy surrounding us. These guys were too much fun. Our host Nam was not to be out down either! His english got worse the more he drank but the one thing he could say very clearly was “I am very drunk”. The three of us snuck off to find our beds cause we knew if the Aussies had anything to do with it we’d be way to hungover for our own good in the morning.

Day Two: Thác Bà Lake to Hà Giang

-Fuck roosters. Fuck those fucking fucks. Every rooster in the entire village all start crowing at 4 am on the dot. No guilt in eating chicken after this trip. It will be eaten with pleasure. Breakfast was served at sun up. Fresh homemade crepes with local papaya, bananas, honey, and coffee. The classic Vietnamese iced coffee (cà phê sữa đá) was not as available up here but the instant coffee that is everywhere in these rural regions was pretty damn good and hit the spot. As expected the Aussies were hurting and running a lot slower than us.

-We packed and got pics w/ the family. After thanking everyone and wishing well to all, the four of us were on the road again. Tan took us all around the lake and across a very old suspension bridge. The lake road soon began to climb up into the mountains and the peaks grew ever higher and higher. The roadside was covered in drying wood. Tan explained to us that its wood that is sent off to china to become plywood. Jake and I were dead set it was bamboo but Radke was sure it wasn’t so we put a little wager on it. We stopped at a processing facility and Radke came out 20,000 dong richer.

-As you ride you go in and out of towns and villages. No stop signs, no yields. Just constant movement. Tan took us on some pretty rad single tracks outside the villages. The dirt in this area is a red clay and when its wet its crazy easy to get super squirrelly. After a solid lunch of Water buffalo, veggies, and rice, Tan decided to take us off road again. He wasn’t sure where the track was but when he found it, he found what was easily my favorite part of riding on this trip. We rode off road for hours and kept getting deeper and deeper in the countryside. We crossed a small river and wound in and out of more villages. The best part is no matter how deep you got or how rutted the roads you still ran into plenty of people making their way on the local small 150cc scooters.

-We came to a large river crossing with a hand built bamboo bridge. This was an undiscovered surprise for Tan and his excitement got us pumped. We paid the 5000 dong each to farmer collecting tolls to cross and one at a time rode across the sketchiest bridge we have ever ridden. After relaxing for a bit on the other side we faced more deep rutted track until we came out to a main road again.

-At this point we jammed towards the city of Ha Giang making our way to the village of Phương Độ. When traffic become congested we just passed at will. Lines are merely suggested. Tonights lodging would be at Cay’s Homestay in Phương Độ, an idyllic little farming village full of the traditional stilt houses. We took a sunset stroll to watch the sun fall behind the breathtaking mountains that stood like monstrous shark teeth. Back at the homestay dinner was just like last night. Family style drenched in rice wine shots. After a day like today, sleep was a breeze.

 

to be continued….

Day One:

-Flew in and rented a Wrangler for the desert.
-Hung out at Rick and Heather’s catching up, crushing beers, listening to Rick fire up his bikes, and getting excited to be in the desert once again.
-Stuffed out faces on tacos because they don’t get any better outside of Mexico than SoCal.
– The bikes we will be taking are Ricks Yamaha’s LT1, RT2 (which he has basically turned into an MX), WR 426; and Heather’s Kawi KX100.

Day Two:
-Loaded up all four bikes and headed east to the high desert.
-After a quick stop over at our ultra modern Air BNB oasis in Yucca Valley, we loaded up in the Wrangler and went to Pappy and Harriet’s for the Rolling Heavy Van show and Desert Generator music fest.
-Checked out all the sick classic vans done to the nine. This is not helping the current van fever I have. Out here these things last and survive unlike back home where they just wither away.
-Pioneer Town is a rad mock old school western town w/ Pappy and Harriet’s bringing people in for music and BBQ.
-Had our faces shredded by some righteous riffing stoner and desert rock bands.

Day Three:
-After getting breakfast in Joshua Tree it was finally time for ripping.
-We headed to a place that Rick had brought Radke and I to on our Manifest Destiny trip; BLM lands outside of Landers, CA. The land here is wide open but has all kinds of riding options. A dirt choose-your-own-adventure. People come out here to ride everything. From bikes to ATV’s, side-by-sides, rock crawlers, etc… A lot of target practice is done out here too. A freedom that us east coast city dwellers don’t get to experience as often as we should.
-Heather’s friends Nina and Joni had joined us. All 3 lady’s riders  themselves and were as fast as us to get on the bikes and go.
-Rode all day till the sun became low in the Horizon then drove to another Air BNB in Big Bear. The girls weren’t hot on sleeping in the 40 degree weather it was to be. To be honest either were we plus a change of scenery is not a bad thing.

Desert dirt bike crew

A post shared by Ali Rae (@aliraesanderson) on Apr 9, 2017 at 12:47pm PDT

Day Four:
-Said goodbye to the ladies and the four of us dudes went to the Cactus Flats OHV lands about 20 minutes from the Air BNB.
-The staging area was basically a big warm up course that you can rip around on before hitting the trails. Yesterday was a wide open, go anywhere type of adventure but today was trail riding. The OHV lands out here are taken care of by the state. The first trail (Joshua) was a sick dirt loop full of whoops and berms. Takes about 5 minutes to ride the full loop. The 2nd trail we went on lasted for miles and started similar to Joshua then became a large long access road w/ terrain that alternated from hard pack to rock to soft sand. We got pretty far out but soon found another trail (Pinyon) that took us back to the staging area. Pinyon was the most difficult of the trails. All up hill and crazy rocky. It made the Bald Eagle trip look like a beginners course. The champion of Pinyon was Francione because he made it through the whole thing on the LT1. Once back in the staging area we had a few more beers and ripped there before packing up and heading back to LA. The ride back to LA (CA rte’s 18 to 330) were the best mountain twisites with overlooks and vistas that you just do not get here on the east coast. I would have done anything to get my KZ on those roads.

Day Five:
-Fly home.

We headed north on the Southern towards Dangriga. It was on this stretch that we saw the wildest thing on the highway we had seen all week. We were behind two Old American school buses, which are used for public transportation; the locals call them the chicken buses. Suddenly one decided to pass the other, which seems odd seeing two buses racing, but hey, this is Belize. Then out of the blue, a tiny little Honda blasts past Waldo and I, and attempts to shoot the gap between the passing buses. I was rooting for the Honda, but he soon realized he couldn’t do it, so he hit his brakes, ripped to the left berm, and passed there quickly. Sick moves Vin Diesel. That’s the moment I fell in love with Belizean drivers. Waldo, on the other hand, had a very different opinion.

We reached the Hummingbird Highway and turned north towards the Cayo District. The first stretch was decently flat that yet again passed through countless orange groves. The smell of citrus punching you square in your olfactory system. I had come later to find out that most of the citrus and fruit grown in Belize is grown by Mennonites. We had seen them on the way in, but had no clue to the extent of their presence. Turns out they own and farm tons of land in the country. Being a central PA boy, I felt kind of at home seeing them. The Hummingbird Highway was moderately busy. They run everything on this road, including full size 18 wheelers. Remember how I said earlier that the highways are what we consider a backroad at best? Throughout the highway the rivers are crossed with one lane concrete bridges. Often times you wait in a line to cross these bridges. The flat lands of the Stann Creek district soon led way to the Mayan Mountain passes of the Cayo district. This is where the Hummingbird came to life. The Meilun’s kept pace a 60mph very easily, except when heading up the steeper uphill climbs. They tend to feel like a moped struggling towards the top even down in 3rd, but they were workhorses and made it up nonetheless. The twists and turns, ascents and descents, led us through the peaks and valleys of the Mayan Mountains. I had smiles for miles. I fell in love with this stretch of road. At certain points you could see the bright white limestone rock peeking out where jungle did not grow. Belize is made up mostly of limestone, which in turn is why they have such a vast network of caves.

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Mar 1, 2016 at 6:59pm PST

The hour and a half ride to St Herman’s cave went by way too fast. I was really getting into the mountain section before it was over. Oh well, I still have the ride back to Hopkins to repeat the twists and turns. We arrived early and met our guide for the tubing trip. Since we had time, he suggested that we head into the nearest town and get some food, so that’s what we did. We found a small thatched hut he recommended in the town of Armenia, which is the last village on the Hummingbird before hitting the capital of Belmopan. What we needed was coffee. True to the rest of the coffee we have had, it was terrible & instant, but we put it back anyways. After downing the coffee flavored water, we headed back to the cave.

We parked the bikes, changed into our swimming gear, and waited for the other people joining us for the trip. Once they arrived we did a small hike back into the jungle stopping to look at rubber trees, banana trees, leaf cutter ants, and other exotic flora and fauna. Soon we reached the mouth of the cave. We climbed into the belly of the beast and our guide took the time to explain to us the significance of caves to the Mayan culture. The Mayans see the caves as the entrance to their underworld, reserving it for sacred rituals. Only the spiritual leaders, their helpers, and those being sacrificed were allowed to enter. I will not go into too many details on what we learned about ancient culture, but our guide was very informative and the stories were just as interesting. Look into mushroom/fermented honey/toad skin enemas. Talk about a party. This cave in particular was not used for Mayan rituals, unlike the cave we would be going to in two days. That particular one still has human remains scattered about in its ceremonial chamber. As I stated earlier, Belize is covered in caves both wet and dry. We hiked deep into St Hermans. Waldo used a brief moment of silence to alienate and offend the nice Midwestern couple with a good joke.

“Hey Nate”
“Yeah?”
“You know the difference between this cave and your asshole?….. Not as many men have entered this cave.”

I lost my shit and almost popped a vein cracking up, but the Midwesterners did not find this so funny. A very awkward silence fell on the group for the next 20 minutes. He would go on to use this joke in every cave we visited. It wore out its humor with me the fourth time i had to endure the punchline.

We got in the water and floated in the subterranean river for an hour. I have tubed many times in my life, but never in a cave. It was quite an experience. At one point the guide had us all turn our headlamps off. Within a few short minutes, sensory deprivation had kicked in. When the instructions came to turn them back on, we were in a chamber filled with sleeping bats. The float went on for a little while, then we had to pick up the tubes and hike back to the mouth of the cave. From the inside the opening looked like you were standing in a serpent’s mouth looking out. The stalactites and stalagmites acting as the beasts teeth. On the way out, we discussed the different wildlife we had seen so far with our guide. He suggested we try Gibnut, which is the larger cousin of the Agouti we saw the previous day. When Queen Elizabeth had visited Belize, she was fed it without knowing what she was eating. She enjoyed it so much she dubbed it “The Royal Rat”. I knew I had to try Gibnut before I left.

We made it back to the parking lot, changed and thanked our guide. The Midwesterners wished us well but I am sure were ready to see us go. Back on the bikes, we rode a mile up the road to check out the Blue Hole. This is not the infamous Belizean deep sea blue hole, but the inland underground river fed Blue Hole. Our stopover here was short. We got back into our jeans and ripped south on the Hummingbird back towards Hopkins. Again, I had too much fun ripping through the mountain passes.

The ride back always feels shorter than the one getting there. We took a brief rest at the hostel, then decided to go on a quest for Gibnut. We got lucky real quick. The second place we stopped at had Stew Gibnut on the day’s menu. Menus here are not static. It all depends on what the restaurant owners are able to source that day. Within a few minutes of ordering, we had the Royal Rat w/ rice and beans sitting in front of us. I am pretty sure this is the first rodent I have ever eaten, and god damn it was good. Somewhere between pork and rabbit I would say. It even had a few tufts of hair sticking out of the skin on the hunk of meat. Nothing better than washing down the Royal Rat with an ice cold Belikin.

After lunch we knew the end had come and the dirt bikes had to go back to Emma. We hopped on and headed south out of Hopkins just past the resorts. The bikes needed gassed up, and the closest place was the Sittee River Marina. We ripped back the same roads that we had blasted on the first day. The big difference was today was not mud and water, but dust. The bikes were soon gassed up and off to Emma’s we went, but first I decided to hit the little bridges to see if I could get the little bike in the air. I failed miserably. I suck a dirt biking but i still have fun. Waldo managed to get through today unscathed with his 3rd bike intact.

A video posted by Nate King (@natemking) on Mar 1, 2016 at 3:33pm PST

I had a hard time taking the bike back. I wanted to keep them for the rest of the week, but seeing that we were heading to San Ignacio in the western part of the country just a few miles from the Guatemalan border, they had to go back. Waldo squared up with Emma on the damages for yesterday’s spill, then we walked back into town via the beach. The bike leg of the trip officially over, but 3 more days of adventure were ahead. More caves, ruins, Mayan burial chambers, waterfalls, cliff jumping, great food, and people… but no dirt bikes.

After leaving Emma’s, we grabbed a breakfast of fry jack w/ eggs, beans, and bacon; plus more of that sad excuse for coffee… truly my only complaint of the entire trip. Fry jacks are a deep fried triangular shaped dough that taste like funnel cake. You just rip them open and shove all your breakfast foods inside before devouring them in their deep fried, delicious glory.

The goal today was Antelope Falls in the Mayflower Bocawina National Park.

We packed what we would need for the day and headed out. This time heading north on the Southern Highway, with plenty of speed humps to bump jump along the way. The turnoff to Bocawina was only 4 miles up the Southern just north of the town of Silk Grass. We headed west towards the Mayan Mountains, the road very similar to the one going into Cockscomb. Zipping through more citrus grove’s and teak farms, we soon wound up at the Mayflower Bocawina visitor’s center. Again we paid our entrance fee, changed into more appropriate hiking gear, and left our stuff with the park rangers. The heat was in full effect and I was in heaven. The path started out in jungle flatlands. We saw more wildlife, including the Agouti, the smaller cousin of the Gibnut or Paca; imagine a small Capybara with skinny rabbit like legs. At first we were excited to see this exotic rodent, but as the trip wore on we saw plenty. Turns out the Agouti is a pretty common animal to see. The flatlands soon turned into steep steps running parallel with large waterfall. Towards the apex, the stairs turned into rope climbs. We had to scramble up rocks while using the ropes to be able to pull ourselves all the way to the top of the trail. Before finding the falls, we stumbled upon a lookout point that gave us a clear view of a large chunk of the Stann Creek District extending all the way out to the Caribbean Sea. When we came upon the falls, crystal clear cold waters awaited us. We had the whole place to ourselves and wasted no time in diving in its pool to cool off. There were some small rock overhangs we we able to monkey up and jump into the pool…too much fun. After a quick snack and hydrating, we took the same path back down. At this point our legs were on fire from all the hiking up the mountain sides. On the way down we could hear the screams of joy in a group of people rappelling down the larger waterfall. I’ll have to try that out next time I come.

A video posted by Nate King (@natemking) on Feb 29, 2016 at 11:46am PST

We took a decent break at the visitor’s center, but soon found that the mosquitos were making us their lunch. Fresh northern blood is a delicacy to those pests. Not enough Deet could save us from their sanguine smorgasbord. We ended up going through two whole cans of Off in 6 days. We too were hungry, so we headed to the restaurant that was at the Bocawina Eco-lodge. After stuffing our faces in veggie covered nachos, shrimp tacos, and a garden fresh caprese sandwich, we headed back out the way we came.

I took the road that Emma had suggested that morning. It was a farm access road plenty rutted and muddy, blasting between teak farms as far as the eye could see. This was the road I was looking for. A true 3rd world dirt biking experience. Sadly it would be cut short and the road would not be completed. I was leading and had just come around a bend that was the top of a small decline. The rocks and ruts were deep and strong. I stood up, leaned back and throttled through making sure to go nowhere near that troublesome front brake. I arrived at the bottom of the decline and ripped open the throttle on a flatland section but soon heard the beep of Waldo’s bike behind me. I stopped and looked back to see his bike on its side. He did not survive the rut and must have hit that front brake on the way down. I rode back to help him get the bike up so we could continue on but when I saw his right forearm, I knew we would be turning back. You take on a risk when tearing up on dirt bikes in the tropics in only a t shirt. Waldo took that risk and lost. His arm was looking pretty gnarly and bleeding real bad. I was relieved knowing nothing was broken seeing that we were out there with no help around for miles. The bike took on some damage too: bent handlebars, a cracked fairing, and a destroyed rearview. Nothing bad at all, but it would be costing Waldo a little extra with Emma. I decided that we needed to turn around and head to the closest town of Dangriga to find a pharmacy and get supplies to clean his fresh wound out. All he needs is to get an infection in Central America. Who needs souvenirs when you can go home with a scar to remember the trip by forever? After wrapping his forearm with a bandana to try and stop the bleeding, we took our time getting back to the Southern Highway and headed north.

Dangriga was another 10 miles out. We got these little bikes ripping at 60mph on the way there. They can haul ass for what they are. They do seem to be geared more for the highway than the dirt, but can still handle their own in it. Dangriga is a pretty rough looking town and is the capital of Garifuna culture. Garifuna people are mixed-race descendants of African, Carib, and Arawak peoples with a language and culture all their own. In town we found a pharmacy which happened to be a gas station, ice cream parlor, and gym. Talk about a one stop shop. Waldo got some peroxide and bandages and we field dressed the wound in the parking lot. I suggested he run back in for neosporin, but found the pharmacist had left in the ten minute span of him coming outside. He was okay, but wanted to get back to Hopkins to get ahold of Emma. I figured we could get more medical supplies back in Hopkins.

Back in Hopkins we discovered that the little Chinese Markets didn’t have shit for medical supplies outside of IBUprofen, Ben Gay, and pregnancy tests. It made us wonder what the residents do when they get hurt; I guess you just don’t. Luckily the proprietor of the hostel had a first aid kit that Waldo raided.

I got cleaned up and took in the evening in a hammock in the hostels courtyard. I gave Waldo some pointers on riding dirt, being that this week was his first time on it. He wasn’t happy I waited till now to give the advice, but sometimes you have to take the test before you can learn the lesson. I struck up a conversation with a guy from Seattle named Judd. He saw my Chin on the Tank shirt and instantly wanted to talk old vintage bikes. Judd is a big Norton and Triumph guy. We shot the shit on all realms of old shitty bikes and adventures. He too rented a Meilun from Emma, except he went for over a week going as far south as Punta Gorda and as far north as Corozal. Judd was a solid dude. It’s always great to meet other riders and just swap stories of all things you’ve done and seen along the way. While talking with Judd, I didn’t even notice that Waldo had left until he came back. He and Emma had gone back to Alternate Adventures and swapped bikes yet again. Third times the charm, right?

Soon the sun set and we dined on the best jerk chicken we have ever had. We went easy on the Belikins and rum, though we did not abstain from them. A very early morning and a long ride to St Herman’s cave in the Cayo district for a cave tubing trip lay ahead. Life is good.

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 29, 2016 at 4:17pm PST

Morning comes early in the tropics. The sleepy Caribbean beach towns come alive as early as 6am. We found ourselves up by 7 shaking off the fog of too many Belikin Lagers and copious amounts of Belizean One Barrel Rum from the previous night’s local Garifuna band session. It was our first night and we went a little hard to celebrate, because the Caribbean that’s why. I was bummed to find that the first day of dirt bike ripping in paradise would be a wet one. The rain was falling in a steady, soaking mist which left for tons of puddles and mud to play in. I knew though, that rain could disappear in the blink of an eye as it tends to do down here.

Only one joint in town was open for breakfast, which was exactly what was needed to come back to life. I shoved the tasty food and terrible coffee down my throat (side note: Belizeans don’t do coffee. Which is strange considering their next door neighbor is Guatemala. Picture coffee flavored hot water, a la airline coffee). The anticipation of getting the bikes and ripping up the Stann Creek District was getting to me. As soon as we paid the bill, we headed across the street to Alternate Adventures and met the proprietor, Emma. After going over all the normal procedures when renting bikes, selecting helmets, and paying for the 3 days; we had in our possessions 2 cheap ass Chinese 4 stroke 200cc Meilun ML200GY-5’s. Meilun bikes seemed to be the Belizean bike of choice. I saw only 5 other bikes the whole time here that were not Meilun’s which is crazy because Belizeans are bike people. Motorcycles were everywhere. I suggested to Waldo we head to the end of town and ride back just to get a feel for the bikes. That little ride turned into a 2 hour rip…couldn’t help it. Once you  get going, it’s not easy to stop.

We headed south out of Hopkins and rode through all of the resorts. The roads were insanely muddy and were pitted the entire width with deep water holes;the ones you cannot resist or avoid going through…the fun shit. We rode until there was no more road. A quick check on the map and we were off towards the next village: Sittee River. We soon discovered tiny little bridges that were used to cross small patches of the coastal wetland. These bridges were the perfect table top jumps. I tried my best a few times to get the Meilun airborne, but was not having luck. I’ll be honest, I suck at dirt bikes but still love it. Going inland we soon diverted from the road and found a farm access road that intersected through cow pastures and woods. We discovered some sort of quarry at the end of the road and explored it for only a second. The access road soon hit the main road leading back to Hopkins. At this point the rain was letting up and our hunger growing, so back to town to regroup and figure out our next move.

#youbestfuckinbelizeit @natemking

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 28, 2016 at 9:16am PST

Lunch was stew chicken w/ rice and beans washed down with a cold Belikin. I made the executive decision to rip to the Cockscomb Basin Wildlife Sanctuary to do the Tiger Fern Falls hike. The rain was gone but the clouds remained leaving for a chilly ride. We headed out of town down Hopkins road. 4 miles ahead was the Southern Highway. Belize has 4 highways (Phillip Goldson, George Prince, Hummingbird, and Southern Highways). I use the term highway loosely, because we would consider it a back road at best, but they are paved so that seperates them from 99% of all the other roads we encountered. There is a speed limit of 55mph, but the road is more like a 3rd world version of the Autobahn. No rules save for don’t get hit. The really cool thing was, as you come into populated areas, there are speed bumps to slow you down but these are no normal american style humps. They are very small table tops themselves. In a car you need to come to a crawl to cross these barriers to save your axle and suspension from being destroyed, but on a tiny 200cc dirt bike it’s an excuse to rev up and pop these things… shooting to be airborne. Should we have slowed down coming into towns? Sure, but that wouldn’t have been fun to miss the opportunity of hitting these mini bump jumps. The highways are littered with these things, so for the next 3 days we will have plenty of time to hit them.  10 miles south of Hopkins Road we turned right at Maya Center and headed west down the road towards Cockscomb. While it was all dirt, this was a very wide road that ran through jungle and orange groves. Eventually the road forked and got real interesting. A true jungle dirt road that had plenty of climbs and twists. At one point a family of Coatimundi’s crossed our path. At first I thought they were lemurs, but I found out a few days later what they actually were… turns out they are more related to the raccoon. The road wound on for miles, up and down, climbing the foothills of the Maya Mountains. Soon enough we arrived in the Cockscomb visitors center, paid our entrance fee, left our gear at the ranger station, and embarked on our hike to Tiger Fern Falls.

#youbestfuckinbelizeit

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 28, 2016 at 6:03pm PST

The hike was easy at first, working its way through the jungle. Everything down here is humongous with prehistoric vibes. If a raptor were to leap out and disembowel one of us, I would not have been that surprised. Soon though, the hike became grueling as we climbed up one ridge of the Mayan Mountains then down another. The rain fell again, soaking us, but staying dry in the tropics is always a challenge. One hour later we were at our destination. Two large waterfalls of the most saphire blue water w/ pools for swimming were directly ahead. We promptly jumped into the chilling water and swam around; nothing like a shower in a fresh water waterfall. Feeling fully refreshed, we did the hike back which was a lot easier than the hike in, as most of it was down the side of the mountain.

#youbestfuckinbelizeit

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 28, 2016 at 6:07pm PST

Back at the visitor’s center, we geared up and headed back out the way we came. Being that this is a Jaguar sanctuary, I was hoping to see one, but kind of glad I did not.  With my luck, I would have come between a mama and a cub just like that scene in Apocalypto. You know the scene…the face mangling one.  We ripped even harder out the road we came in since we were beginning to feel more comfortable w/ the bikes. At the fork to the main road, back to Maya Center, we took the left instead of the right that led back to the highway, and found a huge limestone quarry to play in. We also grabbed some oranges from the grove to munch on later.

#youbestfuckinbelizeit

A video posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 28, 2016 at 6:58pm PST

The hours were closing in on sunset, so the decision was made to head back to Hopkins. We didn’t want to get stuck out at night this far from town… dark is fucking dark down here. Plus… Jaguars. I am partial to my face and do not need it mangled. Jaguars function mostly at dawn and dusk, and with dusk approaching, it was time to leave the Jungle.

Of course on the route home we took the long way via Sittee River Road. The Sittee River is a typical wetland estuary. Think Everglades or Louisiana. From what I am told, there is plenty of crocs and bioluminescent creatures in those waters.  We wound all along the river for miles, looking at all the property for sale along the way,dreaming of getting a house and land along the river and kissing the USA goodbye. It seems like EVERYTHING is for sale around here. Feeling parched we took a small break for more Belikins at the Sittee River Marina. Once we felt refreshed we headed back to Hopkins via the wet and pitted out road, soaking everything that had dried on the Sittee River cruise.  The sun was setting to our backs as we pulled into our hostel to call it a day

#youbestfuckinbelizeit

A photo posted by Formerly Odlaw (@rudi_mentary) on Feb 28, 2016 at 6:15pm PST